Suck on That, Kate Middleton!
by Cap'NCupcake
Summary: Travis and Katie go to the grocery store. Tratie fluff out the whazoo. One-shot.


"Should we get Diet Coke or regular?" Katie asked without looking to Travis. She had a hand to her chin and was tapping the tip of her nose gently in thought as she looked back and forth between the two boxes. Travis was leaning heavily against the cart and playing a difficult game of Angry Birds on Katie's iPhone, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth in concentration.

"Huh?" he asked distractedly, cursing under his breath when he lost his last bird.

She turned around to glare at him with pursed lips. "Diet or regular?"

"Is this some sort of test?" he questioned, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "If I say diet then you're just going to say that I think you're fat, and if I say regular you're gonna go on and on about how I don't care about your health and am leading you to an early death."

Katie stared at him strangely. "I just wanted to know if we should get diet or regular."

With a sigh, Travis turned back to his game. "Regular. Definitely."

She nodded her head and smiled slightly. "Good choice." After placing the carton into the cart, she checked soda off the list in her hand. "So now we just need dish soap, toilet paper, that weird shampoo your brother uses, and tampons."

"Bleh," Travis said plainly, sticking out his tongue and pushing the cart without watching where he was going.

Katie rolled her eyes. "I seriously wonder how you're not gay half the time, You take forty-five minute showers, you're afraid of lady parts, and while your obsession with Glee used to be adorable and endearing, it's lately turned a little creepy."

"I am not afraid of lady parts," he said, making an annoyed face and ignoring the other two things she mentioned. "You of all people would know." Katie smacked him in the arm and glanced around nervously to see if anyone heard. After his suggestive wink and eyebrow waggle, he just smirked and kept strolling down the aisle, paying more attention to the game in his hands than to where he was going. "I'm just... put off by the... fluids and shit that come out of lady parts."

Katie chuckled and shook her head. As she threw a box into the cart, she gripped Travis's chin and forced him to look at her. "Thanks for putting up with my lady part fluids."

His annoyed look from having his game interrupted quickly turned into a grin. "Anytime, babe," he said before kissing her lightly.

Katie made a face and pulled back. "Don't call me that." She marched down the aisle, Travis following close behind her.

"What?" he asked. "Babe? You don't like that?"

She shook her head and stared closely at the large arrangement of shampoo bottles. "Not at all." Making a small, satisfied noise, Katie bent down to pick up a medium-sized brown bottle. Travis may or may not have stared at her ass while she did so. As she stood back up and prepared to place it in the cart, she flipped the bottle over and read the price tag. She scoffed. "Fourteen dollars? He can buy his own freaking shampoo." She put the bottle back on the shelf with a shake of her head before crossing it off the list.

"I think I'm still gonna call you it anyways," Travis said flippantly, finally turning the game off and tucking the phone back into a pocket of Katie's purse. "It has a nice ring to it. Don't you think, babe?"

"Stop," she said without much power to her voice. She was distracted by the large amount of toothpastes.

Travis watched with a smirk. "Seriously, babe, why're you looking at toothpastes? We just got some the other day."

She wrinkled her nose and grabbed the cheapest box. "It's cinnamon. It's gross." As Katie placed it in the cart, she sent a hearty glare his way. "And _stop _calling me 'babe'."

"But why?" he asked, following Katie into the next aisle. "I mean, what's so wrong with 'babe'?"

She sighed and looked over the large variety of dish soaps. She would seriously never understand why there were so many different choices. Life would be so much easier if there was only one brand of everything. "_Everything _is wrong with 'babe'. First of all, it just makes you sound like an idiot. And a jerk. Second, isn't Babe the name of some pig or something? Are you trying to say I'm a pig?"

While she was distracted with the soaps, Travis slyly knocked two of those one dollar potato shooters that were always randomly lying around in the weirdest of aisles into the cart. He smiled in success. When Connor got back from his date with some chick who Connor probably didn't even know the name of, it was going to be war. He was brought out of his fantasy when Katie started glaring daggers at him. "Travis?" she said, sounding exasperated because it was probably, like, the fifth time she had said his name in the last thirty seconds.

"Huh?" he asked dumbly.

Katie rolled her eyes and went back to the soaps with a shake of her head. "You _are _trying to call me a pig. Why thank you, oh so amazing boyfriend. I really appreciate it."

"What?" Travis exclaimed. "No!... But if I did call you a pig, it would only be out of complete adoration." She whipped around quickly to stare in confusion and anger. "You know how much I love bacon. I would have sex with that shit if I could."

Travis smiled sweetly back at the old lady who was glowering furiously at him. Katie rolled her eyes, grabbed the cheapest bottle of dish soap, and dragged Travis and the cart out of the aisle. "You're so _stupid_ sometimes," she ranted angrily, her knuckles turning white from her grip on the cart.

"And yet you love me anyways, huh, babe?" he asked with an annoying smirk. Katie spun around and stopped the cart suddenly, making Travis slam into it stupidly.

"Call me that one more time and I will break your thumb off and feed it to that stupid fish of yours-"

"_That stupid fish _has a _name_," Travis interrupted, his tone offended and haughty. "And that name is Chauncey. If you cannot _appreciate _that, then he doesn't need you buying him any more tank ornaments." She rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "And by the way, you wouldn't be able to break my thumb off even if you tried. I'd have dislocated your arm already."

With another angry sigh, Katie grabbed his thumb with ninja-like speed. Travis would never admit that that turned him on, even though it totally did. With a small yelp which he would totally deny making, he took his other arm and grabbed her shoulder.

"I'll dislocate your arm! I-I'll do it!" Travis yelled loudly, causing people nearby to stare.

Katie just smirked. She knew Travis too well. He wouldn't hurt her. And if she wasn't sure before, she sure was now. Whenever he lied, Travis stuttered his words and either spoke way too soft or way too loud. "I'm not afraid to break your thumb, Travis," she said calmly. "I'm really not."

"Break it, Pepé Le Pew!" he shouted. Katie just smirked and started bending his thumb back a bit more. Before she even knew what was happening, Travis had squatted down, turned around, and kicked Katie in the shin before bouncing back and striking a fighting stance.

"What the _hell_?" Katie called as she clutched at her aching shin and gaped up at him.

Travis stood back up straight, breathing heavily and nodding casually at few people staring at them. He flipped his hair before muttering, "I told you not to mess with me."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to actually _hurt me!_" She was seething and spoke through gritted teeth as she stood back up and hit him in the chest with the back of her hand.

"Yeah," Travis sighed. "I really am sorry about that." He grabbed her hand as she went to hit him once more and brought it to his lips, lightly kissing each knuckle. "Will you ever forgive me..." She sighed and the corners of her mouth lifted slightly. "... babe?" Travis smiled and guffawed loudly before grabbing the cart and sprinting down the aisle and out of view.

Katie growled loudly in anger before stomping away after him.

* * *

><p>After she caught up to him and Travis convinced her not to kill him, he dragged her into the bathroom for some make-up macking which did actually put her in a better mood.<p>

They got the rest of their groceries and stood in line patiently, Travis bobbing his head and drumming his hands on the handle of the cart to whatever song was in his head and Katie staring at multiple magazine covers. Almost every single one was covered with the smiling faces of Kate Middleton and Prince William. Travis could care less about the Royal Wedding but Katie had gotten all into it, waking up at ungodly hours just to watch it online while drinking a cup of tea and eating a scone. Katie had always had an uncanny obsession with England. When that weird kid with the British accent named Wesley or Theobalde or Jeeves or something came to camp for a week before going off on a quest and dying, Travis was pretty scared. Katie had been all over this kid and she absolutely hated Travis at the time. There was no way he was gonna tap that with some British kid as his competition. He was probably the cheeriest person at Wesobaldeeve's funeral.

"Ugh," Katie ughed, staring at the magazine covers in disgust. "I just hate Kate Middleton."

"Why?" Travis asked, not actually paying attention but knowing that he'd be in trouble if he didn't ask.

"She thinks she's so cool cuz she's pretty and British and is married to a prince and has enough money to buy an Alexander McQueen wedding dress. Well guess what, honey?" she said angrily, now talking to the small, smiling picture of Kate in her wedding dress. "I don't care. When I get married, I don't want the entire world to be watching. Pervos? And I don't wanna ten thousand people to be there. And I don't want a hot prince, or a hot prince's brother who'll be checking me out, or a fancy gown, or an eight-tiered cake that nobody will eat because it's nasty ass fruitcake."

Travis was now watching, a small smirk on his face, as Katie kept on talking to the magazine cover. It was becoming very hard not to laugh, especially when she poked Kate in the chest and exclaimed, "And you know what, bitch? The ring will actually fit on my finger, so _ha!_" She turned back to Travis with a satisfied nod before realizing they were next in line and starting to place their groceries on the conveyor belt.

And that's when Travis realized something. What with all the talk of weddings and dresses and cakes, it finally clicked in Travis's head. This girl in front of him was crazy. She was yelling at magazine covers and trying to break his thumb. She got offended when he called her babe and preferred her men slightly gay. She was addicted to cereal like it was crack and she had at least twelve different pairs of sunglasses back home, all exactly the same style, just different colors. This girl could entertain herself with a yo-yo for hours and knew more about plants than anyone Travis had ever met. She knew almost all the words to almost every Adam Lambert song and ate RedVines like they were going out of style.

She was everything to Travis and he couldn't live without her.

He wanted to marry her. He was _going to_ marry her.

So that's why Travis glanced around suddenly, grabbed the first Ring Pop he saw, and got down on his knee in front of Katie right then and there. When he didn't place another grocery into her awaiting hand, she turned around curiously and gasped at the sight before.

"Holy..." she trailed off. Her voice was rather quiet and it squeaked slightly at the end, making Travis grin, all stupidly in love. "What the hell are you doing? Get up."

Travis just shook his head and watched as Katie glanced around nervously. A small group was starting to form and they all had eyes for the couple. Travis ignored them all and smiled brightly up at her. "Katie... I don't exactly know what I'm doing right now-"

"Obviously!"

"-but I know that I love you. And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I know we've talked about marriage and stuff before but I've never really, you know, _thought _about it. Thought about spending the rest of my life with _you_. Growing old with _you_. Having kids with _you_. And now I have. And I want that, Katie. I want that _so bad_. And so here I am. In the middle of a grocery store, professing my love and asking you to marry me." He swallowed, noticing how dry his mouth was all of a sudden. He saw Katie gulp and look around once more, her cheeks bright red.

"Travis," Katie began, a small smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She shook her head, at a loss for words.

"It's watermelon flavored," he said with an award-winning smile, holding the Ring Pop packaging by the edges and shaking it a bit.

Katie let out a laugh as a few tears began to flow from her eyes. She nodded her head with a sniffle. "Of course I'll marry you."

The grin that appeared on his face could've split it in half as Travis stood back up and hugged Katie tightly. The crowd around them clapped and cheered as he ripped open the candy and slipped it on to her finger. He kissed her chastely before pulling back with a smile. "So?" he asked. "What do you think of the ring? Cost, like, a year's salary. The green band actually cost more, so, you know, you're welcome," he said nonchalantly with a flip of his hair and a smug look on his face.

Katie just laughed and licked at the candy happily. She made a face as Travis looked back down. "What?" he asked, his face crinkling in curiosity.

She just shrugged and feigned casualty. "Blue raspberry's my favorite..."

Travis just chuckled and shook his head. "Shut up," he said playfully before kissing her passionately, not caring who watched.

The kiss tasted like watermelons.

* * *

><p>I really don't know where this one came from... but I actually think I totally love it. Hmm... And because I did this proposal I'm not sure whether I'm gonna do the 41 proposal... It's almost done though so... I might as well... but it kinda sucks... I don't know. We'll see.

And Katie's wrong. Watermelon's totally the best flavor of Ring Pop.

If you got the Talladega Nights quote then you get a... Drum roll please... I don't know. I'm tired. When I'm tired, I sometimes act normal... weird. So yay for you. Pat on the back.

Don't own anything!

Oh! And I should just let you guys know. I don't actually hate Kate Middleton. I actually like her. Way too much. Katie does too. She's just super jealous of her, that's all. Okay. Glad we cleared that up.

Rather, rinse, review!

:) Jordan


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